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How do people feel after being with you?

atmosphere conflict culture encouragement relationships

It was Maya Angelou, the American poet, actress, and key figure in the Civil Rights Movement, who once said:

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

 

That’s a huge challenge in our 'speak first'—or should I say 'type first' — 'think later' culture!

One of the many things that strikes me about Jesus is the way He made people feel—especially those who were broken, fragile, or outcast.

Somehow, even while challenging their behaviour and pointing them toward a better way of living, He never left them feeling rejected.

In fact, the very opposite. People always walked away better for having been with Him.

Take the Samaritan woman at the well in John 4. She came alone in the heat of the day, avoiding the other women who wanted nothing to do with her. Why? Because she had been divorced five times and was now with a man who wasn’t her husband.

But Jesus stopped to spend time with her. That alone was radical—Jewish men didn’t engage with Samaritan women. And more than that, He made it clear He knew both her troubled past and her present situation.

Yet, instead of leaving condemned, she ran back to her village full of joy. She didn’t feel judged. She felt known. She felt loved. And it changed her—and through her, it began to change her village.

This is what Maya Angelou was getting at. Yes, Jesus said and did extraordinary things. But His deepest priority was people’s hearts—how they felt, what they believed about themselves, about life, and about God.

So I wonder: what would it look like if we resolved to do the same? If people left our company feeling better, lighter, more joyful, more hope-filled, more known, more cared for, and most of all, more loved? 

In his leadership book, "Integrity", Henry Cloud compares our lives to a boat. You can tell a lot about a boat by the wake it leaves behind—its size, speed, and the way it was steered. The same is true for us.

People can tell a lot about us from the wake we leave behind.

Do we leave people hurt, rejected, angry, and unloved? Or do we leave them known, seen, heard and loved?

Paul captures it beautifully in Colossians 3:12–14:

“God loves you and has chosen you as his own special people. So be gentle, kind, humble, meek, and patient. Put up with each other, and forgive anyone who does you wrong, just as Christ has forgiven you. Love is more important than anything else. It is what ties everything completely together.”

I’m not being naive—I know not every interaction will play out this way. We’re all going to get things wrong at times, and let’s be honest, some people will take offence no matter how lovingly we speak or act.

But surely our aim should be that, more often than not, our team-mates, colleagues, friends, family—and even strangers on the street—walk away from us feeling built up, not blown up.

May God, by His Spirit, shape your leadership and discipleship so that those around you leave feeling thankful, encouraged, and full of hope.

Cheering and praying for you as you press on,